Where's your bridesmaid dress? Oh, I gave it to Ruby's daughter, she works at Hooters, she was thrilled. - Mon...








Where's your bridesmaid dress?

Oh, I gave it to Ruby's daughter, she works at Hooters, she was thrilled.

- Monster-in-Law

I think I've been asleep most of my life. - Elizabethtown








I think I've been asleep most of my life.

- Elizabethtown


I'm packing your extra pair of shoes, and your angry eyes just in case. - Toy Story 2








I'm packing your extra pair of shoes, and your angry eyes just in case.

- Toy Story 2

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might h...





Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

- Jack Handy

Boredom is just the reverse side of fascination: both depend on being outside rather than inside a situation, and one leads ...









Boredom is just the reverse side of fascination: both depend on being outside rather than inside a situation, and one leads to the other.

- Susan Sontag










The world can only be grasped by action, not by contemplation. The hand is the cutting edge of the mind.

- Diane Arbus


Real life is, to most men, a long second-best, a perpetual compromise between the ideal and the possible; but the world of pur...








Real life is, to most men, a long second-best, a perpetual compromise between the ideal and the possible; but the world of pure reason knows no compromise, no practical limitations, no barrier to the creative activity.

- Bertrand Russell

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot m...








In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along.

- Antonin Scalia

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask...








When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

- Stephen Wright

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. - Japanese Proverb








We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

- Japanese Proverb

School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone. - Anonymous








School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.

- Anonymous

Do you know where Subway is? - Question by woman to a Wendy's employee








Do you know where Subway is?

- Question by woman to a Wendy's employee

Hook me up with a great photographer, a clever stylist and an expert retoucher, and together we create a beautiful illusion. ...








Hook me up with a great photographer, a clever stylist and an expert retoucher, and together we create a beautiful illusion.

- Heidi Klum

If you're tangled up, just tango on. - Scent of a Woman








If you're tangled up, just tango on.

- Scent of a Woman

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling. ...








I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.

- Frida Kahlo

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejo...








Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.

- Henry Van Dyke

Put money in thy purse. - Othello. ACT I Scene 3.








Put money in thy purse.

- Othello. ACT I Scene 3.

Charlie Kelly: Whoa dude, what are you doing? That's my good chair! Mac: Charlie, it's covered in bird shit. Cha...









Charlie Kelly: Whoa dude, what are you doing? That's my good chair!
Mac: Charlie, it's covered in bird shit.
Charlie Kelly: No... it's toothpaste.
Mac: It's clearly bird shit.
Charlie Kelly: No, it's not. It's toothpaste.
Mac: Do you even own a toothbrush?

- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

















You don't get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.

- Jim Rohn






There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. - Stephen Wrigh...









There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

- Stephen Wright










To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

- Jack Handy


What am I to do with my life (youll find it out, dont worry) How am I supposed to know whats right (you just got to do it your way) ...




What am I to do with my life (youll find it out, dont worry)
How am I supposed to know whats right (you just got to do it your way)
I cant help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected.

- Britney Spears, "Overprotected"

One of life's most painful moments comes when we must admit that we didn't do our homework, that we are not prepared. ...








One of life's most painful moments comes when we must admit that we didn't do our homework, that we are not prepared.

- Merlin Olsen

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. - Author Unknown








A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

- Author Unknown

It takes a long time to grow young. - Pablo Picasso








It takes a long time to grow young.

- Pablo Picasso


Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain







Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

- Mark Twain

The peasant, at the diner! - He didn't pay his check. - It's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the cro...



The peasant, at the diner! - He didn't pay his check. - It's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the crowd with Kuzco in the back of his cart. He must have taken him back to his village, so if we find the village, we find him, and if we find him, we find Kuzco. Oh, yeah, it's all comin' together. Yzma!

- Emperor's New Groove

If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story. - Orson Welles







If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.

- Orson Welles

A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together! - Author Unkn...








A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together!

- Author Unknown

No more fun in the snow Snowman's losing his glow He gets any smaller, he'll be nothing but water No more fun in the snow....






No more fun in the snow Snowman's losing his glow He gets any smaller, he'll be nothing but water No more fun in the snow.

- Friends Tigger & Pooh


Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. - Da...









Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

- Dave Barry











Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

- Unknown